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 The Omen

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Avogadro
Neverwinter XIII
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Neverwinter XIII
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Neverwinter XIII


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The Omen Empty
PostSubject: The Omen   The Omen EmptyTue Nov 16, 2010 6:26 pm

The Omen
Episode I

Wind blasted through my silvery-blonde hair. Midnight crept slowly through the cloudy night. My light, gray coat offered little protection against the hard sheets of rain. I began across through the rickety wooden bridge, cautiously watching for those three planks of wood that came loose a few weeks ago. Lightning struck the vulnerable sky, followed by a massive thunderclap that reminded me to pay attention to the path ahead. The rough, bristly rope felt as if it withered away every time I brushed my hand against it. Moonlight peered through the ruthless clouds and hid behind them again. I lowered my head and held my collar against my nose and mouth to stop the rain that dripped down my face.

I crossed the dangerous bridge and made my way towards the iron gate that pounded with the natural motion of the icy wind. I checked the lock to see if they remembered that I’d be back before dawn. I shook the rusty bars and sighed in frustration. I swiftly scrambled in my semi-deep pocket and tried to recognize all of the items: a miniature pool of chilly rainwater, a little vial of red tea I purchased back at Kyroh. It was nothing more than a wet glass of liquid that had as much fluid as a blood sample. And…something else that lurked near the bottom lining. It felt warm compared to the tea, and was made of wool. I quickly pulled it out so I can get to my home quickly; my anxiety for warmth and comfort at home took control of my entire body and mind. All I longed for in this dreaded rain was to find the master key to the gate and rush to my simple abode. The strange object was a sack of coins I also received from Kyroh, too my dismay. They were all made of dirt-ridden silver and were altogether worth forty-five lin*. I sighed, and placed the coins back into my pocket.

I reached into my other pocket and searched for the key, longing for the warmth of the pleasing fireplace in my home. I rapidly rummaged around the interior of my black pants to find the key. I familiarized myself with a cold, tarnished metal that left me relieved. I wiped my hair from the heavy rain and speedily schlepped through the muddy field. I passed through a meadow accented by a single sakura in the middle, whose leaves fluttered violently with the wind. Usually, it was calm and tranquil, a sign of good luck. But not today. No, today was very different.

*currency

Might finish this...someday. Probably my best attempt at epic fantasy. Anyway, discuss. o-o


Last edited by Neverwinter on Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:02 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Avogadro
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The Omen Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyTue Nov 16, 2010 11:26 pm

It's good, except right here [I began trekking through the rickety wooden bridge] it should be across, not through Very Happy
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FuzzY
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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyWed Nov 17, 2010 12:22 am

I like it,good story Very Happy
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LolICU
WHAT THE FUDGE
LolICU


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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyWed Nov 17, 2010 12:24 am

DIG YOUR WAY THRU THE WOODEN BRIDGE!!!! WAHHH!!! lmao

Detailed story (a little too detailed maybe?), but I didn't understand what your storyline was and wasn't very epic Razz. It's pretty good though.
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http://www.ysorandom.weebly.com
EpicPhlamerZ
Python
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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyWed Nov 17, 2010 1:01 am

That's pretty cool nice work Smile

I don't understand this though: I quickly pulled it out so I can get to my home quickly. quoted directly from line 8-9 of the second paragraph.
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Neverwinter XIII
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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyWed Nov 17, 2010 11:53 am

LolICU wrote:
DIG YOUR WAY THRU THE WOODEN BRIDGE!!!! WAHHH!!! lmao

Detailed story (a little too detailed maybe?), but I didn't understand what your storyline was and wasn't very epic Razz. It's pretty good though. You can expect more epic stuff as I edit this...
"Might finish this...someday." I'm thinking about turning it around and setting it up like the opening of Uncharted 2; when it goes from a vague opening, to a more clearer one as the story unfolds.

Raymond wrote:
That's pretty cool nice work :Smile:

I don't understand this though: I quickly pulled it out so I can get to my home quickly. quoted directly from line 8-9 of the second paragraph.

You know what that means, do you? It means...*dramatic look*...more revisions. *cue dramatic music*

/unknown reference

Edit: I fixed those mistakes y'all were complaining about. Thanks for your input. Wink
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FuzzY
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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyFri Nov 19, 2010 3:17 am

I liked it Nw,good job.
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Scrubby
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PostSubject: Re: The Omen   The Omen EmptyThu Dec 30, 2010 2:11 am

Love it. Very descriptive and it goes into depth. The way you read the words, it just makes me wanna keep reading. Intro was great.
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